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Exploring Role Models

Was writing out some questions for a leadership meeting that I'm facilitating at the end of this week for work. This is the article that the dialogue will be based on: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/education/10asians.html?_r=1

The article is about Asian Pacific Americans in higher education. It speaks to the invisibility and mis/underrepresentation of APA's in society and in higher education. What I'm focusing on in my facilitation is the need for diversity in role models.

I defined "role model" simply as someone that you can relate to and aspire to be like. It's probably improper to end a sentence with "like," but I thought it was appropriate because it seems like an unhealthy obsession to want to BE someone... whereas if you want to be like / similar to someone, with their best qualities in mind, that seems ideal for healthy aspiration.

My first question asks us to explore what our own role models were while growing up, as well as who they are in the present.

I took a few minutes to come up with a list of my own. A majority of them ended up being women, and a little less than half were of Asian descent.

I went through the list and noted the most notable, here, in no particular order [and I'm not sure if it's because I'm becoming a feminist and going through an angst-ridden sexism against men phase, but they all turned out to be women]:

• Sailor Mars
• Really the only Sailor Scout that was actually Japanese. And the point was that she was Asian and looked like me. And was badass.
• the Yellow Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger
• Also looked like me. And was also badass.
• my (step-)aunt Deb
• It's more of a recent realization that I feel very distant not only from my Chinese relatives, but from my Canadian ones. In all truth, it's because I don't see or talk to them much at all... there's the literal distance, the language barrier, and the fact that I'm not a phone person. 
• From the few interactions I've had with my aunt, I have realized what an awesome person and great role model she is. This is how I perceive her: She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, she speaks out for what she believes in.... she is an activist and an ally.
• Sia, my first roommate
• It's still hilarious that we were destined to be roommates. The Tanzanian girl that loved Asian culture and the Chinese girl that hated being Asian. I'm not sure why no one ever had a serious conversation with me about my hate of being Asian. Or maybe they did. I don't know why I never had a serious conversation with myself until this past semester. 
• We had a love-hate relationship, but I look up to her exactly as I look up to my aunt Deb. She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, and she speaks out for what she believes in. I'm not sure that she's an activist in the sense that my aunt is, but she is an ally and an activist in the sense that she is unafraid to speak out against social injustice. 
• Lin, my first-year RA, coworker, and friend
• I'm pretty sure that if Lin [and Sia] hadn't reached out to me, I'd still be in an anti-social box. With Lin's support, leadership, late night talks, mischievous times, and bluntness, I... well, I'd still be in THE BOX. I would never go anywhere. But because she was such an amazing RA and friend, I [and Sia] felt a push to TRY. To CHANGE. To step out of my comfort zones. It is a perpetual push, and it can only lead me higher. 
• Nancy, a childhood friend, reunited in high school, and still close
• I keep following in her footsteps without even realizing it. Most notably, it was car rides, big sweaters, anime, Western comics, working at a campus Multi-Cultural Center, and being aware of the APA community. I continue to learn from her, and even though I pick up on these realizations fairly slowly, I am glad that I can pick up on them eventually. 
• Charlene, my main supervisor at the Multi-Cultural Center from last semester
• Without the guidance of Charlene [and support from the rest of the staff and intern cohort], I don't think I would be in this state of awareness of social justice issues and personal growth. Through one-on-ones with her, I explored my past, my present, my triggers. I realized the extent of my internalized racism. And I grew from that.  
• The women from the APAHE conference
• Even though it's been a couple weeks, I am still marveling at the fact that there were women who reminded me of my own mother that spoke openly about the truths to the stereotypes of Asian parents. 
• Other than that, I learned an unbelievable amount from them, and also from the men, but mostly the women I took to heart. 
• Charlyne Yi
• Well, she looks just like me and is awkward like me, which is weird... but... good, because she is successful and around the same age as me and she didn't even go to college!!!!
• Trina, a friend and fellow artist
• I was really intimated by her at first... because she's really fuckin cool! 
• I learned to accept that it's totally okay and awesome to openly be geeky and Asian. And there's nothing wrong with a sexual culture. I don't know why porn stores and sex toys and sex are so taboo. Not everyone does it, but a lot of people do. Babies are friggin everywhere. 
• In recent times, we've been exploring ideas for future collaborative art shows [hopefully next year, super stoked]. Our themes have mainly been focusing on Asian identity and our relationships with our parents and others. Been learning a lot from Trina, too. Other than a friend, she is very much like a mentor to me right now. 

This semester for sure, I think I can say that I am finally starting to love life for what it is and to love MYSELF for who I am and who I am becoming. And I truly appreciate the fact that I have these connections with all these different people, and keep learning same and different things continuously. 

I don't really want to be in school forever, but I do want to be a student forever. 

Sketchbook Update

Lots, but still lacking in quantity and whatever quality means

Randomly bought Ata/Toast's art collection book for like $15 at a half off bookstore in Berzerkley. TOTALLY AWESOME FIND. His work is really intricate and novel [he was one of the forerunners of the more 3D style typography graffiti movement]. And his real people sketches are fluid and human. Love ittttt. Not a big fan of his vector work, but I'll admit that it is INSANELY INTRICATE. I'm just not big on vectors in general.

Was inspired to do weird abstract things. The above reminds me of... some painter... but I am really bad at remembering names of painters. I am totally going to fail art history whenever I decide to take it.

I was experimenting, but this 3D type graffiti stuff is really difficult! I was gonna write Hellxia, but then my professor was talking about Edgar Heap of Birds [who gave an eye-opening lecture about his art, and he had two great shows in town], so I started writing Heap at first... lol

More experimentation inspired by Toast.

Quick studies of my own hand. My new schtick is to make still lifes AS FAST AS POSSIBLE because I hate still lifes, but I desperately need the practice... but I also need to start SEEING the still lifes that I'm drawing. What's the point of making a photo-realistic copy if I don't even learn anything from it because I'm so focused on abstract details? 

Copying Toast's hand studies. Iono how he makes it so natural.

Was reading some of Chad Sweeney's Parables of Hide and Seek. I won't analyze poems unless guided by an instructor, but I really like the imagery I get from his words.

I wish I could draw the things I visualize. One day.

Oh hey, look, it's that racist kid from elementary school! Thanks for the 16-ish years of hate!

I didn't intend for her to look like she's jerkin her gerkin, which doesn't make sense anyway. Her hands were in her pockets. That's how us lonely people dance. We do it for ourselves. 

One of the images inspired by learning about Asians in the Dream Act at the APAHE conference. I hope to one day make a painting out of it. I think I was thinking about wanting these undocumented students to gather together to rally against injustices against them... but then if they did, then it'd just be easier for the government to incarcerate them and send them back to cultures in which they no longer feel belonging. ALLIES MUST FIGHT! Somehow.

He was gross anyway, good riddance, boy-I-never-got-to-know!

Composition sketches for a Life Painting hw assignment. Supposed to paint 1. a hand, a foot, and a face 2. two hands and a foot or 3. two feet and a hand. And have some kind of environment. I guess.

haha I'm a pervert lol 

I'm compulsive when it comes to the skin on my fingertips.

Trina and I! Walking to the art lab. We are friends and mentors and students of life!

I'm not really sure why I started drawing this, but it started as legs, and then a face, and uh, well I guess that's all there really is. I guess I could say that it's about the exoticism of "Asian" women in American society, and the exoticism of "White" people by a bunch of Asian cultures. It's weird and stupid. 

Weird and stupid like this HYPERVENTILATING UNICORN and koffing. My band members rejected Lin's idea for a band name. I am sad. So very sad.

Sad like these eyes that are crying. Made this and the below image for a fellow intern's Queer People of Color: Liberation Through Journaling program.

I'm so hipster, I know, right?