New Song

Yay finally a serious song. Details on youtube page.



But I'll also include the fact that I am straight and a gay ally, and I do not support bullying of any kind.

Here are some misc truths that I'd just like to release, mostly for my own sake, since I can't organize things in my head and I hardly ever write in a private journal anymore. They're not really secret because I'm not really a... secretive person lol at least among friends.

1. I have contemplated my placement on many spectrums of things. Specifically, I have contemplated being lesbian or bisexual or whatever, but have concluded that I lean pretty far towards straight. I say spectrums because for most things, I believe there's are many shades of grey [probably mixing some colors here and there as well]. You can call yourself a democrat, but you can't just mass everyone into a single group. Everyone within that group has different views. You can be a democrat and believe in some republican platforms. Whatever. You can be a straight male and still be turned on by guys making out with guys, even if you don't want to partake in such activities.

2. I have found a new love in bok choy and hoisin sauce.

3. One day, I hope to go green/organic, even though I know I will have little impact on the rest of the world.

4. I'm going to continue being selfish in this luxurious world I have grown up in, but I will occasionally try my best to donate or volunteer to causes I deem as good.

5. I spelled selfish, luxurious, and occasionally wrong multiple times before correcting them in that last number. I need to work on spelling.

6. I am trying to find a taste for poetry. Currently reading Faust. It is okay so far.

7. I am afraid of vaginas.

8. I like doing the dishes, but it is always too difficult to bring myself to do them.

9. I project my bad traits onto other people. This is a very recent realization and I am trying to judge people less because of it. It is difficult.

10. I am learning to accept my culture and understand why I am the way I am. I have to fully understand that I'm not smart because I'm biologically Asian, I'm smart because of how I was raised in a strict, totalitarian environment that I think could have been pleasant, but there aren't any perfect ways to raise children. Okay, I guess I also have to explore my relationship with the people who raised my fat, white, 37-year old Irish ass.

11. I've told things to my boss, who I've only known for about a few months, things I've never even told myself and it is so hard, but so liberating.

12. There's nothing wrong with crying. I am learning.

13. Discovering what triggers you to Feel is so powerful for the spirit.

14. I don't even know what the spirit is, but it is-.

15. I hella almost overcooked my rice because I was writing this.

16. I have a lot of things to do today and I had enough time about three hours ago before I met the Internet.

17. Trying to be open-minded is making me close-minded to close-minded people. I'm still not sure what to make of this. I can only have so much hope for humanity.

18. I went to the PostSecret event yesterday and it was AMAZING. I really enjoyed everyone sincerity, honesty, and courage to tell their secrets to a bunch of strangers. And I don't know if I'm supposed to write this or not, but I really appreciated when Frank shared his mum's message for not wanting a free copy of his book. I can sort of relate to that in that while I am lucky that my parents will support me in whatever my endeavors are, I can't expect them to always fully support what I do. I can't expect that from anyone. I can only expect myself to be passionate and support myself in whatever I choose to do, whoever I choose to be.

19. And no, this is the way I write and I will continue writing this way. I will not purposely try to censor myself. I'm not going to stop myself from growing whichever way. I am rude and I will speak my truths.

Uh...

Well, I still haven't gotten my printer/scanner set up yet. BUT I'M ALMOST KIND OF THERE. 

So here is a silly song I wrote yesterday instead.

Other than that, I started my summer art class yesterday. It's pretty much a beginning drawing class. And oh my FFFFFFFF Everyone stereotypical is in that class. 


There's that young middle-high school Asian girl that is going to grow up to be that Asian woman in my accounting classes that asks every single irrelevant question in the world repeatedly. 
The mother with 2 children that she doesn't even try to keep quiet. 
The old gent that always has this serene happy look to him, like, if his cheeks were rosy he'd be drunk. 
The guy that looks like Sylvester Stallone, but he seems pretty friendly.
The good looking but prolly douchey Volcom hipster.
The middle-old aged woman that tries to suck up to the professor but fails miserably, but still tries.
The guy with a turban that speaks perfect english, but doesn't know how to communicate whatsoever.
And then there's me, the typical poser punk hipster Asian that judges everyone else in the class. 


UGHHHHHHH Must change these mindsets. I guess it's better to try to get to know people rather than not... even if you end up with people you really don't want to know and you can't un-know. Ughhh I am such a lazy pos. 


My goal for this upcoming [academic] year is to return my mindset back to that of the beginning of college sophomore year. When I really wanted to break out of my anti-social box and I got to know all the residents in my building.