New Song

Yay finally a serious song. Details on youtube page.



But I'll also include the fact that I am straight and a gay ally, and I do not support bullying of any kind.

Here are some misc truths that I'd just like to release, mostly for my own sake, since I can't organize things in my head and I hardly ever write in a private journal anymore. They're not really secret because I'm not really a... secretive person lol at least among friends.

1. I have contemplated my placement on many spectrums of things. Specifically, I have contemplated being lesbian or bisexual or whatever, but have concluded that I lean pretty far towards straight. I say spectrums because for most things, I believe there's are many shades of grey [probably mixing some colors here and there as well]. You can call yourself a democrat, but you can't just mass everyone into a single group. Everyone within that group has different views. You can be a democrat and believe in some republican platforms. Whatever. You can be a straight male and still be turned on by guys making out with guys, even if you don't want to partake in such activities.

2. I have found a new love in bok choy and hoisin sauce.

3. One day, I hope to go green/organic, even though I know I will have little impact on the rest of the world.

4. I'm going to continue being selfish in this luxurious world I have grown up in, but I will occasionally try my best to donate or volunteer to causes I deem as good.

5. I spelled selfish, luxurious, and occasionally wrong multiple times before correcting them in that last number. I need to work on spelling.

6. I am trying to find a taste for poetry. Currently reading Faust. It is okay so far.

7. I am afraid of vaginas.

8. I like doing the dishes, but it is always too difficult to bring myself to do them.

9. I project my bad traits onto other people. This is a very recent realization and I am trying to judge people less because of it. It is difficult.

10. I am learning to accept my culture and understand why I am the way I am. I have to fully understand that I'm not smart because I'm biologically Asian, I'm smart because of how I was raised in a strict, totalitarian environment that I think could have been pleasant, but there aren't any perfect ways to raise children. Okay, I guess I also have to explore my relationship with the people who raised my fat, white, 37-year old Irish ass.

11. I've told things to my boss, who I've only known for about a few months, things I've never even told myself and it is so hard, but so liberating.

12. There's nothing wrong with crying. I am learning.

13. Discovering what triggers you to Feel is so powerful for the spirit.

14. I don't even know what the spirit is, but it is-.

15. I hella almost overcooked my rice because I was writing this.

16. I have a lot of things to do today and I had enough time about three hours ago before I met the Internet.

17. Trying to be open-minded is making me close-minded to close-minded people. I'm still not sure what to make of this. I can only have so much hope for humanity.

18. I went to the PostSecret event yesterday and it was AMAZING. I really enjoyed everyone sincerity, honesty, and courage to tell their secrets to a bunch of strangers. And I don't know if I'm supposed to write this or not, but I really appreciated when Frank shared his mum's message for not wanting a free copy of his book. I can sort of relate to that in that while I am lucky that my parents will support me in whatever my endeavors are, I can't expect them to always fully support what I do. I can't expect that from anyone. I can only expect myself to be passionate and support myself in whatever I choose to do, whoever I choose to be.

19. And no, this is the way I write and I will continue writing this way. I will not purposely try to censor myself. I'm not going to stop myself from growing whichever way. I am rude and I will speak my truths.

Owning My Ignorance

I used to say that the only time I was offended was when someone else was offended, but now I am trying to grasp different thinking. Why should I decry someone for being offended, for being sensitive, for having an emotional reaction? If anything, I should praise them for feeling so offended, and I should encourage them to speak up and tell me why so that I may understand where they are coming from. 

I don't like to cry in front of people. I think it's because of a sensitivity complex I have, where I don't like to reveal that yes, I may very well be sensitive to something [but I also think crying puts me in a physically ugly state, regardless of emotional beauty]. I shouldn't need to apologize for having feelings. 

And no, I have feelings because I'm a human being, not because it's a feminine thing to do. I will say I'm sorry that you may have some sort of macho complex or homophobia [specifically, fear of being seen as stereotypically gay/feminine, which I guess is also part of a macho complex]. 

I can only hope that one day you, too, will realize that you are human.

On Penises in Artwork

I feel like a lot of current younger artists do all this vulgar work. Some of it is witty, most of it evokes a disturbing sort of sickening feeling. Maybe they do it to push the boundaries, and they all seem to think it's new, but it's not.

Penises, vaginas, and butt holes have been around for "HELLA DAYS." Butt plugs may be a little more recent.

But eventually, we all have to do something more than this expression of reaching beyond boundaries. We have to do something more with penises and vaginas and the like. I say FUCK EM in the sense that once we've exploited them enough, hopefully by that point we'll have learned something from the whole experience as an exploiter, as this sardonic, smartass, blithering moron who thinks he's a real punk and hates society.

I say use the penis, don't abuse it.