A Gross Thought

So it seems that every time my fat, white male ass feels the need to poop, I sit down and then I don't feel like pooping anymore. I'm thinking, what's the deal with that?

Well, I came up with some theories.

1. Perhaps my butt and the toilet have become best of friends, therefore stopping my butt from performing an atrocity of an uncalled for water sport unto its flushing fiend friend.

2. Or maybe pooping is like the french kissing of the disgusting fecal-to-porcelain world. Then that would imply that my butt and the toilet are definitely not in a romantic relationship. Just best friends. Or worst enemies. Isn't that weird how you can substitute one for the other so easily in this peculiar situation?

3. More scientifically, maybe the height at which the toilet is at somehow comforts or discomforts my bowels so much to the point that my butt just doesn't want to do anything but sit there.

And that's all for that.

Here is a screenshot from my favorite episode thus far of Spaced. For the lulz.

:3

So like... this alien that raised me in the Australian wilderness is really upset that I say "I" a lot on my blog, therefore revealing my true identity. It gave me some pretty valid guidance on how I should change my ways.

The secret is that since you never know who is stalking you on the Internet, since you can never believe anything on the Internet [which is a subset of real life; something along the lines of "virtual reality"], and since you can never trust anyone [not even your parents probably], you ALSO have to lie on the Internet! 

You must conform and contribute to all fallacies and falsities! True, it may be at the point where you can't tell the difference between TRUE and FALSE, TROLL and... LOL? Really, even if you tell the truth at this point, everyone will think you're lying. REGARDLESS, you must lie. Do it in real life, too, so that no one can ever figure out your weaknesses and who you really are. SO THAT NOTHING CAN HARM YOU because, as we all know, having no identity means you can be a high-skilled government assassin and BLOW. SHIT. UP. 

This is my contribution to the Internetz.

:3

Also, new layout because blogger updated their generic design templates. fart.

Also, fyi, I want to be a children's book illustrator. Perfect, I know. :3