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Exploring Role Models

Was writing out some questions for a leadership meeting that I'm facilitating at the end of this week for work. This is the article that the dialogue will be based on: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/education/10asians.html?_r=1

The article is about Asian Pacific Americans in higher education. It speaks to the invisibility and mis/underrepresentation of APA's in society and in higher education. What I'm focusing on in my facilitation is the need for diversity in role models.

I defined "role model" simply as someone that you can relate to and aspire to be like. It's probably improper to end a sentence with "like," but I thought it was appropriate because it seems like an unhealthy obsession to want to BE someone... whereas if you want to be like / similar to someone, with their best qualities in mind, that seems ideal for healthy aspiration.

My first question asks us to explore what our own role models were while growing up, as well as who they are in the present.

I took a few minutes to come up with a list of my own. A majority of them ended up being women, and a little less than half were of Asian descent.

I went through the list and noted the most notable, here, in no particular order [and I'm not sure if it's because I'm becoming a feminist and going through an angst-ridden sexism against men phase, but they all turned out to be women]:

• Sailor Mars
• Really the only Sailor Scout that was actually Japanese. And the point was that she was Asian and looked like me. And was badass.
• the Yellow Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger
• Also looked like me. And was also badass.
• my (step-)aunt Deb
• It's more of a recent realization that I feel very distant not only from my Chinese relatives, but from my Canadian ones. In all truth, it's because I don't see or talk to them much at all... there's the literal distance, the language barrier, and the fact that I'm not a phone person. 
• From the few interactions I've had with my aunt, I have realized what an awesome person and great role model she is. This is how I perceive her: She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, she speaks out for what she believes in.... she is an activist and an ally.
• Sia, my first roommate
• It's still hilarious that we were destined to be roommates. The Tanzanian girl that loved Asian culture and the Chinese girl that hated being Asian. I'm not sure why no one ever had a serious conversation with me about my hate of being Asian. Or maybe they did. I don't know why I never had a serious conversation with myself until this past semester. 
• We had a love-hate relationship, but I look up to her exactly as I look up to my aunt Deb. She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, and she speaks out for what she believes in. I'm not sure that she's an activist in the sense that my aunt is, but she is an ally and an activist in the sense that she is unafraid to speak out against social injustice. 
• Lin, my first-year RA, coworker, and friend
• I'm pretty sure that if Lin [and Sia] hadn't reached out to me, I'd still be in an anti-social box. With Lin's support, leadership, late night talks, mischievous times, and bluntness, I... well, I'd still be in THE BOX. I would never go anywhere. But because she was such an amazing RA and friend, I [and Sia] felt a push to TRY. To CHANGE. To step out of my comfort zones. It is a perpetual push, and it can only lead me higher. 
• Nancy, a childhood friend, reunited in high school, and still close
• I keep following in her footsteps without even realizing it. Most notably, it was car rides, big sweaters, anime, Western comics, working at a campus Multi-Cultural Center, and being aware of the APA community. I continue to learn from her, and even though I pick up on these realizations fairly slowly, I am glad that I can pick up on them eventually. 
• Charlene, my main supervisor at the Multi-Cultural Center from last semester
• Without the guidance of Charlene [and support from the rest of the staff and intern cohort], I don't think I would be in this state of awareness of social justice issues and personal growth. Through one-on-ones with her, I explored my past, my present, my triggers. I realized the extent of my internalized racism. And I grew from that.  
• The women from the APAHE conference
• Even though it's been a couple weeks, I am still marveling at the fact that there were women who reminded me of my own mother that spoke openly about the truths to the stereotypes of Asian parents. 
• Other than that, I learned an unbelievable amount from them, and also from the men, but mostly the women I took to heart. 
• Charlyne Yi
• Well, she looks just like me and is awkward like me, which is weird... but... good, because she is successful and around the same age as me and she didn't even go to college!!!!
• Trina, a friend and fellow artist
• I was really intimated by her at first... because she's really fuckin cool! 
• I learned to accept that it's totally okay and awesome to openly be geeky and Asian. And there's nothing wrong with a sexual culture. I don't know why porn stores and sex toys and sex are so taboo. Not everyone does it, but a lot of people do. Babies are friggin everywhere. 
• In recent times, we've been exploring ideas for future collaborative art shows [hopefully next year, super stoked]. Our themes have mainly been focusing on Asian identity and our relationships with our parents and others. Been learning a lot from Trina, too. Other than a friend, she is very much like a mentor to me right now. 

This semester for sure, I think I can say that I am finally starting to love life for what it is and to love MYSELF for who I am and who I am becoming. And I truly appreciate the fact that I have these connections with all these different people, and keep learning same and different things continuously. 

I don't really want to be in school forever, but I do want to be a student forever. 

Sketchbook and Class Notes ^date

I've mostly been using pen because 1. I don't write with pencils anymore and 2. I've been trying to SEE things and learn about light and shadows and shapes by doing these quicker studies with pen where i can't erase / I have to see where I corrected myself, and so that I don't concentrate on minuscule details that keep me from actually SEEING what I am drawing

Brainstorming for next class assignment, will probably also use it for my Childhood Struggles Storybook Project.

Was reading an article that a coworker referred me to called "Asian Pacific American Women and Feminism (1981)" by Mitsuye Yamada. Haven't finished it yet, but it was talking about the stereotype of the passive, polite Asian woman, and how there are actually a lot of female activists in the Asian community, but that they always have to prove themselves worthy of speaking before even trying to communicate their message.

Was thinking of drawing the marshmallow man panels for the next class assignment, but decided to do my childhood struggles instead. Then I started drawing this guy that's in my class that has like, seriously, a serial killer stare. He plays WoW. I didn't get his face right, but good thing I didn't because then surely the image would've COME ALIVE AND KILLED ME. I swear I'm gonna be schizophrenic when I get older.

Uh I just drew an imaginary still life of a thing I made out of playdo at the Multi-Cultural Center, which legitimately think they should rename it as The League of Social Justice. lol

I didn't know what to draw.

I don't know.

I also don't know. She came out a lot creepier than I had intended. I still can't draw bodies.

Did a copy of contemporary artist Ata Bozaci, aka Toast, for class. I really love the fluidity of his sketches. However, I still don't get how he does it. 

TIME FOR CLASS NOTES

The image of Ash vs. Judge Koffing is pretty much the best thing I've ever drawn. 

YEAH

I don't know what this girl looked like, but she sat behind me and quietly berated another girl for asking a question in class, so I silently berated her through my notes. 

I was thinking of exoticism. 

... And thank goodness for Blogspot automatic draft saving. Stupid internet.

Also, 

Seriously, Media.

(Photo from Victoria's Secret Email Ad: I subscribe to these because 1. I like to know when they have "sales" because their scents are fucking delicious and 2. because their photoshoppers are absolutely ridiculous. In a bad way.)

When did ribs become more of an asset than abs?

I have nothing against naturally skinny people, but this is seriously abnormal. Just like the photoshopping of every other celebrity and model in mainstream media, I don't understand why we can't just leave them be. Yeah, maybe change the hue/saturation and contrast a bit so that the photo as an art piece looks cohesive and pleasant.

But why must we insist on erasing fat, wrinkles, and everything NATURAL about people? Why is there an absence of rebellion in this mainstream marketing firms? Aren't they looking for something DIFFERENT?

Well, we've been warping the appearances of people for about a century if not more now, so I think it's about time we stop doing this faux naturelle shit and get real.


I'm gonna make some real fuckin crude and real drawings/paintings in my art career.

Our Blood is Run by Hate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NutFkykjmbM

I just don't get it sometimes.



In other news, hella busy, but I am enjoying life.