When I Write

I write in the same pattern that I make up songs with lol

NOT RAGING ANYMORE

Dear Jimmy Wong, ching chong <3 I laughed so hard at this amazing response to the UCLA racist girl.

Homefront for Xbox360

Yeah, like, literally. Here's the game's backstory trailer so that you can get EVEN MORE ANGRY [and last year's E3 was supposed to be amazing, yet they have shit like this EVERYWHERE fffffffff].





Like any aware person with common sense, my first thought was WTF.


I went to see the live art performance and lecture by Bunky Echo-Hawk today. Pretty rad stuff. The friendship dance was awesome! But among many interesting matters he brought up, there were two that stood out to me the most.

ONE.
Homefront for Xbox360. I hadn't heard about this game when he mentioned it, although I wasn't really surprised that it existed. I'm still not surprised, but just... APPALLED. ALWAYS APPALLED. Not shocked, just appalled.

The game is about Kim Jong-Eun taking his father's place... and then North Korea going apeshit on the US: and it is OUR DUTY AS AMERICANS to gun them down. WTF.

If you'll note in the trailer, there's a classic American screaming, "THE ONLY GOOD COMMUNIST IS A DEAD COMMUNIST!" Well, God Bless America and freedom of speech, but promoting this sort of hysteria through mainstream gaming media is pretty much the same as watching the recent video of the UCLA girl ranting about Asians in the library [ONLY WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU WISH TO CONTINUE BEING FILLED WITH RAGGEEEE] without a critical thought or conscience... like watching that girl and then thinking YEAH THAT GIRL IS TOTALLY RIGHT. ASIANS ARE THE DEVIL.

No.

Incorrect.

Wrong.

Do not collect $200.

On another slightly unrelated note, a Facebook friend updated a status about a week ago commenting upon the seemingly inevitable failure of the small movement to not buy gas on March 14. One of her Facebook friends wrote that they were going to use and buy gas again and again.

I made a sardonic comment about gas prices going up to $5 during the summer "GOD BLESS AMERICA" [I can be mean and ignorant, too], to which the other friend responded by patting America on the back for the "rape" of another country for gas. I replied that rape isn't a good word to use like that anymore, to which he responded with, "What do you prefer? Surprise sex?"

[insert exasperated sigh here]

I said to use exploit rather than rape, which would've made the original comment less pro-AmericaWars and more... sarcastic? Witty? I don't know. At any rate, he responded "Kinda gay! You must go to Berkeley."

....

I hella pwnd him with a response about his position in the Air Force, BUT THE POINT IS that there are so many ignorant people that aren't even AWARE that they are ignorant. And like I said in that vlog I made yesterday, it's not even their fault. It's SOCIETY and the SYSTEMS that these BIZARRE TRADITIONS have perpetuated. Loaded words, right? But direct and loaded with absolutely tragic truths.

Bunky Echo-Hawk asked the audience tonight what the main problems were in California today. The main issues people brought up were education, the homeless, the Delta and salmon, and the hate [example: the two Sikh men that were shot in Elk Grove recently]. ALL of these problems related directly to the first: education. We need to start from the beginning, from pre-school or kindergarten or maybe even before that! Start education while young minds are so easy to mold. Mold them with purpose and meaning and awareness and empowerment and courage!

If only it were so easy [THANKS, POLITICS, AKA DRAMA. UGH.] to allocate more money to education, instead of prisons, instead of stupid TV shows, instead of talentless singers, instead of corporate scum, instead of war, instead of luxury cars, instead of all these useless and wasteful things [which are cherished and prized in our society, if you'll look again]. If only it were so easy to change the system so that politicians wouldn't spend all their money trying to get back into office rather than working to improve the communities they are supposed to represent. IF ONLY everyone could see the benefit of a quality education [I would live my life in ignorance and FEAR if I didn't know what the hell was going on in my community, IN MY MIND. If I didn't have someone guide me to the phrase "internalized racism," I would've kept HATING my people and MYSELF]. IF ONLY people KNEW how to utilize all these resources around us, within us, reaching out with open eyes--not blind--and finding out HOW TO FEEL about certain issues and, most importantly, WHAT TO DO about them.


I don't even know if I'm on topic anymore, I'm rasiannnnn!!!! Anyway...


TWO.
Are your grandparents or great-grandparents on display at a museum? Bunky Echo-Hawk's great-grandparents are. At the Washington State [university?] museum. WTF. THEY CAN'T EVEN RESPECTFULLY BURY THEM. I love science, but right now, FUCK SCIENCE, THIS IS SOMEONE'S FAMILY THAT YOU'VE RESURRECTED, DEAD AND NAKED FOR THE PUBLIC'S SCRUTINIZING GAZE.


FFFFFFFFFFFFF SO MUCH RAGE THESE PAST TWO DAYS!



In lighter news, sort of, Trina, Megan, and I are gonna collaborate on an art show hopefully next March!!!! Hope hard that we get a spot! We're going to explore what it means to be Asian American women in America, how society and media overwrite cultural meanings and definitions, exoticism, role models, and more. It's gonna be amaaazzzinnggg if we can get a spot. We're hoping to show on campus and off campus. :3 :3 :3 :3 This summer is going to be some crazy art times.

Also in other news, I spent 12 hours on campus today, and then I came home and spent all my time raging on this blog, so like I didn't get anything done and I'm STILL going to be sleep-deprived. At least it's not as bad as... the past four years. lol

The Vlogosphere

Yep.

Exploring Role Models

Was writing out some questions for a leadership meeting that I'm facilitating at the end of this week for work. This is the article that the dialogue will be based on: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/education/10asians.html?_r=1

The article is about Asian Pacific Americans in higher education. It speaks to the invisibility and mis/underrepresentation of APA's in society and in higher education. What I'm focusing on in my facilitation is the need for diversity in role models.

I defined "role model" simply as someone that you can relate to and aspire to be like. It's probably improper to end a sentence with "like," but I thought it was appropriate because it seems like an unhealthy obsession to want to BE someone... whereas if you want to be like / similar to someone, with their best qualities in mind, that seems ideal for healthy aspiration.

My first question asks us to explore what our own role models were while growing up, as well as who they are in the present.

I took a few minutes to come up with a list of my own. A majority of them ended up being women, and a little less than half were of Asian descent.

I went through the list and noted the most notable, here, in no particular order [and I'm not sure if it's because I'm becoming a feminist and going through an angst-ridden sexism against men phase, but they all turned out to be women]:

• Sailor Mars
• Really the only Sailor Scout that was actually Japanese. And the point was that she was Asian and looked like me. And was badass.
• the Yellow Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger
• Also looked like me. And was also badass.
• my (step-)aunt Deb
• It's more of a recent realization that I feel very distant not only from my Chinese relatives, but from my Canadian ones. In all truth, it's because I don't see or talk to them much at all... there's the literal distance, the language barrier, and the fact that I'm not a phone person. 
• From the few interactions I've had with my aunt, I have realized what an awesome person and great role model she is. This is how I perceive her: She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, she speaks out for what she believes in.... she is an activist and an ally.
• Sia, my first roommate
• It's still hilarious that we were destined to be roommates. The Tanzanian girl that loved Asian culture and the Chinese girl that hated being Asian. I'm not sure why no one ever had a serious conversation with me about my hate of being Asian. Or maybe they did. I don't know why I never had a serious conversation with myself until this past semester. 
• We had a love-hate relationship, but I look up to her exactly as I look up to my aunt Deb. She lives for herself, she is her own person, she stands for what she believes in, and she speaks out for what she believes in. I'm not sure that she's an activist in the sense that my aunt is, but she is an ally and an activist in the sense that she is unafraid to speak out against social injustice. 
• Lin, my first-year RA, coworker, and friend
• I'm pretty sure that if Lin [and Sia] hadn't reached out to me, I'd still be in an anti-social box. With Lin's support, leadership, late night talks, mischievous times, and bluntness, I... well, I'd still be in THE BOX. I would never go anywhere. But because she was such an amazing RA and friend, I [and Sia] felt a push to TRY. To CHANGE. To step out of my comfort zones. It is a perpetual push, and it can only lead me higher. 
• Nancy, a childhood friend, reunited in high school, and still close
• I keep following in her footsteps without even realizing it. Most notably, it was car rides, big sweaters, anime, Western comics, working at a campus Multi-Cultural Center, and being aware of the APA community. I continue to learn from her, and even though I pick up on these realizations fairly slowly, I am glad that I can pick up on them eventually. 
• Charlene, my main supervisor at the Multi-Cultural Center from last semester
• Without the guidance of Charlene [and support from the rest of the staff and intern cohort], I don't think I would be in this state of awareness of social justice issues and personal growth. Through one-on-ones with her, I explored my past, my present, my triggers. I realized the extent of my internalized racism. And I grew from that.  
• The women from the APAHE conference
• Even though it's been a couple weeks, I am still marveling at the fact that there were women who reminded me of my own mother that spoke openly about the truths to the stereotypes of Asian parents. 
• Other than that, I learned an unbelievable amount from them, and also from the men, but mostly the women I took to heart. 
• Charlyne Yi
• Well, she looks just like me and is awkward like me, which is weird... but... good, because she is successful and around the same age as me and she didn't even go to college!!!!
• Trina, a friend and fellow artist
• I was really intimated by her at first... because she's really fuckin cool! 
• I learned to accept that it's totally okay and awesome to openly be geeky and Asian. And there's nothing wrong with a sexual culture. I don't know why porn stores and sex toys and sex are so taboo. Not everyone does it, but a lot of people do. Babies are friggin everywhere. 
• In recent times, we've been exploring ideas for future collaborative art shows [hopefully next year, super stoked]. Our themes have mainly been focusing on Asian identity and our relationships with our parents and others. Been learning a lot from Trina, too. Other than a friend, she is very much like a mentor to me right now. 

This semester for sure, I think I can say that I am finally starting to love life for what it is and to love MYSELF for who I am and who I am becoming. And I truly appreciate the fact that I have these connections with all these different people, and keep learning same and different things continuously. 

I don't really want to be in school forever, but I do want to be a student forever. 

Sketchbook and Class Notes ^date

I've mostly been using pen because 1. I don't write with pencils anymore and 2. I've been trying to SEE things and learn about light and shadows and shapes by doing these quicker studies with pen where i can't erase / I have to see where I corrected myself, and so that I don't concentrate on minuscule details that keep me from actually SEEING what I am drawing

Brainstorming for next class assignment, will probably also use it for my Childhood Struggles Storybook Project.

Was reading an article that a coworker referred me to called "Asian Pacific American Women and Feminism (1981)" by Mitsuye Yamada. Haven't finished it yet, but it was talking about the stereotype of the passive, polite Asian woman, and how there are actually a lot of female activists in the Asian community, but that they always have to prove themselves worthy of speaking before even trying to communicate their message.

Was thinking of drawing the marshmallow man panels for the next class assignment, but decided to do my childhood struggles instead. Then I started drawing this guy that's in my class that has like, seriously, a serial killer stare. He plays WoW. I didn't get his face right, but good thing I didn't because then surely the image would've COME ALIVE AND KILLED ME. I swear I'm gonna be schizophrenic when I get older.

Uh I just drew an imaginary still life of a thing I made out of playdo at the Multi-Cultural Center, which legitimately think they should rename it as The League of Social Justice. lol

I didn't know what to draw.

I don't know.

I also don't know. She came out a lot creepier than I had intended. I still can't draw bodies.

Did a copy of contemporary artist Ata Bozaci, aka Toast, for class. I really love the fluidity of his sketches. However, I still don't get how he does it. 

TIME FOR CLASS NOTES

The image of Ash vs. Judge Koffing is pretty much the best thing I've ever drawn. 

YEAH

I don't know what this girl looked like, but she sat behind me and quietly berated another girl for asking a question in class, so I silently berated her through my notes. 

I was thinking of exoticism. 

... And thank goodness for Blogspot automatic draft saving. Stupid internet.

Also, 

Seriously, Media.

(Photo from Victoria's Secret Email Ad: I subscribe to these because 1. I like to know when they have "sales" because their scents are fucking delicious and 2. because their photoshoppers are absolutely ridiculous. In a bad way.)

When did ribs become more of an asset than abs?

I have nothing against naturally skinny people, but this is seriously abnormal. Just like the photoshopping of every other celebrity and model in mainstream media, I don't understand why we can't just leave them be. Yeah, maybe change the hue/saturation and contrast a bit so that the photo as an art piece looks cohesive and pleasant.

But why must we insist on erasing fat, wrinkles, and everything NATURAL about people? Why is there an absence of rebellion in this mainstream marketing firms? Aren't they looking for something DIFFERENT?

Well, we've been warping the appearances of people for about a century if not more now, so I think it's about time we stop doing this faux naturelle shit and get real.


I'm gonna make some real fuckin crude and real drawings/paintings in my art career.

Our Blood is Run by Hate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NutFkykjmbM

I just don't get it sometimes.



In other news, hella busy, but I am enjoying life.